Okay guys, hi and welcome to my blog. Today I wanted to share something that I went through a while back and something that unfortunately a friend is going through right now. Ever been in a relationship that you are so much invested in that you miss the signs that your significant other is about to bail out? You are concentrated on loving on someone and trying to keep the fire burning that you do not see that they are headed for the exit sign. Well sometimes you see the signs but you just do not know whether it is just something that will pass or if it is something serious. Either way, I am sharing today 7 signs that I experienced in my past relationship that I should have seen before I got the boot.
1. Less communication 💔
Going from 1871543727393 texts and calls per day to almost none. This is a very common sign that your significant other is slowly withdrawing from the relationship. They are no longer interested in knowing how you woke up in the morning, how your day is going or if you made it to your appointment. They used to be the first person to say good morning and the last person to say goodnight. When you find yourself always reaching out to them first and they sometimes take ages to respond then you need to start asking yourself why the sudden change. The situation does not get better when you are together too, they seem unplugged and uninterested in any conversation.
2. Not interested in your appearance 💔
You could dye your beard purple or walk around in a clown suit for the whole day and they will not say anything about it. This could mean that your partner is no longer attracted to you, well at least not physically. You used to be complimented daily on how handsome or beautiful you looked but now you are fishing for compliments … unsuccessfully. Big red flag that something is not right in the relationship. Especially when this change is more all of a sudden and not gradual.
3. No more going out together 💔
Dinner dates, eating lunch together, going to a friend’s party have become a thing of the past and you cannot remember the last time you even stepped out together. And yes, they still enjoy going out…just going by themselves. They would rather be in the company of their boys or girls or any other person that is not you. It is safe to say, they do not want you around nor do they miss your time together. The question is, who do they enjoy spending time with then and why? Spending quality time together is an important part of a relationship, if it not happening then it needs to be addressed. Else, the “ship” is about to sail without you.
4. Excuses have become their best friends 💔
“I am tired,” or “I am running late,” or even ” I forgot” are sentences that you are hearing more often than you would like. There is always an excuse for not investing any time on your relationship or just being around you period. Sometimes they are just trying to be polite so instead telling you a truth like ‘I couldn’t care less about your birthday’ they would rather tell you they were caught up at work or something. But once these start piling up, you do get a bit fed up and would prefer the truth, even if it hurts like ripping out a band aid.
5. No more pet names, will not even say your name 💔
That awkward silence when you wait for them to finish off a sentence with babe, honey or bae and it never comes. I personally feel that if I have to ask you to call me sweetheart or something cute then I don’t want it at all. The relationship feels more formal to say the least as though you are just mere acquaintances. If this goes on for a day or two then maybe they are upset with you and it is something that can be talked about. If it should go for more than a few days, it probably means they are heading towards the exit.
6. Intimacy is dead 💔
There are different levels of intimacy and if you find yourself back at level zero then ‘Houston we have got a problem’. Gone are the days that you couldn’t keep your hands to yourselves when you were alone. You find yourself having to initiate any sort of intimacy all the time and sometimes you get shut down. Intimacy does not give you that warm fuzzy feeling when it feels forced and unwelcome. Again, this can be something you can talk about or it might just be a good time to take a bow and take your leave…before they do.
7. Always arguing 💔
The silence is deafening but you would rather have it that way than risk saying the wrong thing and dive into an argument. It seems as though you can not get through a conversation without it ending in a spew of words. It is like treading on eggshells as they seem triggered by each and everything you say. Arguing over nothing is not worth it unless you can have an intimate making up session afterwards. It is quite exhausting and frankly you end up emotionally drained. It can only go one way after that.
Those are the 7 things that I personally should have noticed before I got dumped. And I must say, it is not always a bad thing. If one person in the relationship has lost interest then it should be okay for them to opt out of the equation. I believe that is a better decision than stringing you along when they know there is no future for the two of you. Yes, sometimes it hurts and you feel like your life is over, but remember ‘Their rejection may be your protection’. I just wish I had read the signs sooner, then I would have a clean record of never been dumped 😉 …
Well, that’s it guys.
Thinking till next time…
The Bi-Weekly topic in focus this week is Relationships, Friendships, Situationships and everything in between
Hey everyone! What’s good? Now I have been gone for a minute, haven’t I? Well I guess life took over for a bit, but now I am back! Actually I am from a short holiday. We went to visit my in-laws for a bit. And as an African bride (daughter-in-law) I obviously didn’t so much enjoy the holiday. It is tradition that you take over the cooking in the kitchen; you take over the cleaning of the house; the laundry of the family etc. It is mandatory that you prove that your parents raised you right *sigh*. So one night, I was actually complaining to my husband that this was not the way I planned to spend my leave time away from office. We needed to go back home as soon as possible. And I was more than ready to come up with fake excuses just to leave. My husband, on the other hand, he was convinced to stay and I knew why,! He loves his mother to bits and would do all he can to prolong our stay. I told him so but he didn’t believe me. So we settled it the best way we know how…….a test! And yes, I was right as always.
For all my gentlemen out there, some in denial like my husband, some being mama’s boys and proud. The below test is for you to find out and verify. Please do feel free to come back and tell me you results, and be honest too. Lol. GOOD LUCK 🙂
CLICK HERE to find out just how much of a mummy’s boy you are!
Hello my good people. Hope you are all well. Now, as I have mentioned before in previous articles, I am a wife and I am also a mom. My daughter is 4 years old. So last night, I let her watch just a little more cartoons because you know..refer to my previous post HERE. Besides the next day was a weekend. After the last cartoon was done, I kindly tell her “That’s enough for today, sweets. Come we say our prayers and go to bed.” And my daughter, crosses her arms and yells “No, mommy!” I gasped! I was horrified! Tears filled my eyes as I turned to my husband. And so it has began. It goes from “No” to a whole bunch of other statements that I don’t want to hear. My fears unveiling before my very eyes. I was not a bad or mischievous kid growing up, but there are some things I used to tell my mom that I am not so sure I EVER want to her from my baby!I was going crazy, I had to make a list
#1 I will be right back/I won’t be late
Honestly speaking, this is what I used tell my mum just out of habit. 99% of the time it was a major lie. I just had other things to do all the time. And to save myself from my mother’s lashing I used to just tell her what she wanted to hear. I gave her hope. The bad thing is that I never really even made the effort to be on time. I didn’t consider any other persons time and plans but my own. I feel so terrible now. I never want to hear this sentence from my daughter. Just in case that she will be telling white lies just like I had.
# 2 He is just a friend
Oh was he now? Oh dear! I have only ever been caught 3 times with a boy (all friendly scenes btw) and all the time when my mum used to ask, who is this? I used to tell her that “He is just a friend”. All three times, it was my little boyfriend of the time. Why I never really told my mother the truth, I don’t really know. Perhaps she believed that you are only allowed to date when you turn 21. As a mom, I actually think I might bump that up to 25! Every time my daughter would tell me this I think my heart will skip a bit.
#3 You are so unfair sometimes
Child, mother knows best, take this from Rapunzel’s stepmother (check her song Here) . Good mothers always have the best interest for you. I used to use this reply when my mother made decisions for my benefit. And she just did what any parent would do; set a lame curfew; get rid of clothes that showed too much skin; refused some of my friends because they were genuinely bad influences. If or rather when my daughter starts using this line to me it will literally be breaking my heart because everything I do is for her best.
#4 I am grown up now/ I am not a baby anymore
I used to use this when every time I wanted to experience something new and my mum refused. Or when she gave me advice that I thought at the time I didn’t really need. The truth is, you will always be you mother’s baby. She will always feel the need to protect you and to make sure you make all the right choices. It all comes from a good place. I’m counting down till I hear this one from my daughter. I am not looking forward to it because I know it will hurt like a dagger through the heart.
#5 I don’t care
Oh but I did. I just used to say it because……actually I don’t know why I used to say this. Whether it was school, whether it was going to visit family or anything for that matter. I shudder just at the thought of my daughter ever saying this sentence. I wish she will always have passion and just put much care into everything she does.
Like I said in the beginning, I was never a terrible kid. Just sometimes as a kid I would just act up for no reason at all. I really wish I could take back even those few times I said such things to my mum and my dad. But you know how karma is, I have been blessed with a daughter of my own. And she is growing up so fast, too fast for my liking actually. And here I am dreading those five things above. I just wish that I will always have the patience and the ever lasting love that my mummy had for me.
Okay, hi guys. Hope you are all good, hope you are all well. So the other day, my car was at the shop and so my boss offered me a lift home. He backed out of the car-park slowly and stopped for me to get in. All jolly and happy, I entered and closed the door. Okay, no, honestly I kinda banged the door shut earning myself a look from my boss. He arched an eyebrow and goes on to ask, “Don’t you know the rules of how to behave when you are offered a lift?” I answered with silence and so he went on to school me
Rule #1 Do not slam the door…
“When you enter someone’s car, close the door as gently as you can.
It’s best that the driver be the one to tell you to swing it just a little harder in case it does not close. But don’t go around banging people’s doors. It’s considered rude. And you might never know, maybe all that door needed was a good bang to finally come loose!”
Rule #2 Do not talk before you are talked to…
So there I was, apologizing about the door and going further to find a way to start a random conversation. Weather; hard day at work; that pending report? Well apparently I shouldn’t have.
“Ssshhh, you shouldn’t really speak until spoken to. You know, some people prefer some peace and quiet in their cars, others might like listening to music. If they want to talk, let them start the conversation. This way you avoid the awkward topics. You actually think people like talking about the weather, really?”
Rule #3 Do not touch their radio…
Oh so my boss prefers to listen to music when he is on the road, I thought to myself. I smiled happily as I reached to his radio and turned the dial. “What’s your favorite station?” I asked. I thought I was doing him a favor, he had to keep his eyes on the road and stuff, but actually…
“Did you just touch my radio? Never touch people’s radios! If anything is off limits in someone’s car, it’s their radio. How can you not know that?”
Rule #4 Do not compliment any other car on the road…
You can imagine, we sat there quietly for a while before he actually decided to turn on his radio. Choice fm, exactly the station that I would have put. So anyway, we are at a red light at a junction. What else can I do other than stare out the window. Then my eye catches this beautiful, sleek, pitch black Range Rover Sport 2016. Who could resist admiring such perfection? I HAD to say something, “Check that beast out!”
My boss lets out a sigh. I thought he was with me on this one….yet
“Are you trying to never get a lift from me ever again? Never compliment any other car when you are offered a lift. Not the one behind you, not the one beside you and definitely not the one in front of you. The driver knows there are better cars than his, why do you want to be mean and point it out? I ought to let you down right here, see if you can catch a ride with your beast.“
Rule #5 Contribute…to the traffic fine
When the lights turned green and we were allowed to drive on we were immediately pulled over by the traffic police. Random traffic inspections are routine in some countries, sometimes way too often. I was calm, everything seemed to be in order to me. Unfortunately, this was not quite true. While I had remembered to put on my seat-belt #safetyfirst, my boss had not and this was the reason we were pulled over. He got out of the vehicle, paid his fine and was receipted. Back in the car, all I could say was
“I’m sorry about that.” I was being considerate, right?
“I know this was not your fault and everything but you could help a brother out you know. Since they are doing you a solid, giving you a ride. A little top up is more appreciated than an empty ‘sorry'”
At this point, I was done! Bruh, I was all up in my phone trying to figure out how this Uber service works! These rules were a bit too much, some yeah I can understand that when you are in someone’s personal space you have to be a bit sensitive but that last one? When did life become so complicated? It was just a lift guys, shish. But anyway, I guess you learn something new everyday. I learnt to never accept a lift from my boss ever again 😉
Cheater: A person that acts dishonestly or unfairly to gain an advantage: informal be sexually unfaithful according to the online Oxford Dictionaries. Just sexually unfaithful? Well maybe for some people…but as for me; no flirting with, no texting especially sexting, no kissing! I don’t care if there was no tongue action, booboo I don’t care if you didn’t open your mouth, hell it could have been a peck on the lips, it is still cheating to me. No e-mailing, no getting cozy and role playing on Facebook or any other social platform. No reminiscing old times with an ex! No giving some strange random girl a shoulder to cry on. And trust me my list goes on and on and on, I be like Angela from Why Did I Get Married Too, she explains it all too well.
People have many reasons as to why they chose to step out on their partners and whether they are worth forgiving is debatable. From my own personal experience as well as close friends around me I have been able to categorize a list of different types of cheaters. In my books, I have separated then into two groups Cheater you MAY forgive and Cheaters to NEVER forgive. All this according to what LadyChi thinks. Do you agree?
Those you MAY Forgive
- Drunken cheater – if he ain’t an alcoholic and he barely gets tipsy on nights that he goes out with friends then there is more to this situation. So many explanations as to why he went past his usual drinking limit and this may be the cause of his odd behavior. It can even be that some of his dudes thought he was more fun if he was a little bit high and spiked his drink. Then things got wild and before he had his head straight, he was in a big mess. Whatever the reason may be, when he comes home and is man enough to tell you what happened or you find out somehow and he begs you for forgiveness. Maybe . . . just maybe you may forgive him. Then you can go ahead and find out what caused the out of character behavior. I know some guys will use alcohol as an excuse to cheat but ladies I know you know your man, so I know you will now when he is being straight with you.
- No-action-in-the-bedroom cheater – Ladies it is no secret that you have to hold your man down or else he is going to seek that comfort elsewhere. You can be holding out on him for certain reasons known to you, but everyone needs a bit of intimacy, and from what I think, men more than women. It could be that you are tired all the time from work or you had a huge fight and he is on punishment. Don’t make it a long one and make an effort to squeeze the last ounce of energy from your reserves so you can enjoy a night with your man. Cause when your bedroom becomes a freezer he is going to look for warmth somewhere else. When this happens and you can admit that he cheated because it was your fault, it doesn’t really justify what he did but it sure made it easier for him. You may forgive this one and learn how to spice up you love life and keep your man happy.
- The-80/20-rule-really-exists cheater- This one is the one that so clearly knows his has made a mistake. He went chasing down someone who seemingly looked better than you. He thought he was going to have more than what he has at home but as a matter of fact, it is way, way, way less. So his theory was a big flop and he has most definitely learnt that what he already has is by far everything that he could possibly ever want and need. He has had to learn the hard way to appreciate you more. I think this one you may forgive as well. I don’t think he will want to take the gamble ever again. He will treasure what he has and salute the 80/20 rule.
- The-long-term-committed cheater- 10 years down the drain? What about the kids? He is your high school sweetheart? If you have been with this guy for some time (and his none of the below suckers) and this happens, sometimes it is not wise to break it off in such emotional panic. A lot changes over time and most people let their relationships lose that exciting spark. They fall into a life of mundane and routine and frankly boredom. As the no action in the bedroom cheater, your man will look for excitement somewhere else. But if you two still truly love each other and if the guy is willing to fight for you and repent his sins, begs for forgiveness and vows to spend the rest of his life making it up to you, then you may just be able to forgive this one. I am almost certain there is something worth fighting for. Y’all probably need a family vacation and definitely need to renew your vows. Do something fun and romantic to remind yourselves why you are still together after many years of life’s curve-balls.
- The-first-time-offender cheater – he might have stepped out on you for various reasons, for lack of rational thinking perhaps. If he does not fall in any of the below categories, sit and talk to your man. You may choose to forgive this one if his first time . . . will be his last time. And if you make the warning firm enough, I think he will be a good boy and behave. I think there is a first time for everything and committing a mistake is not a mistake….the mistake is repeating the mistake (did I say that right? Direct quote from Swahili…kosa si kutenda kosa, kosa ni kurudia kosa)
Given that none of the above cheater fall into the groups below, I think they may be worth forgiving and working it out…
- Your-best friend/sister/mother is-hotter-than-you cheater- kick this one to the curb. He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and so he doesn’t even bother himself to search outside of your social circle. I can’t forgive someone that would cheat on me with my own sister or friend.I would not want this guy around at all. While you are having fun at the family Christmas party, he is checking out all your cousins and friends. This one is mean and did not stop to think that the worst possible thing to do when you cheat on a girl, is to cheat with someone who she is super close to. This is not cool at all and I will not forgive this one
- The chronic cheater- well what can I say, cheated once shame on you, cheated twice shame on me? No, shame on you still! I decided to give you a second chance and you threw it in my face. Shame on you for being such a hypocrite and not realizing what a treasured gem I was! This is the type that cheats out of habit; he probably can’t stop doing it even if his life depended on it. You will shed so many tears until you come to realize that it is not worth it. Twice is enough to raise a red flag.
- No-remorse cheater- Yes! The brutal one. That one who shows no regrets and blames you for his actions. He acts so casual about it and you will never hear him say “I’m sorry.” And if he miraculously does say sorry, it sounds more like “I am sorry I got caught,” And that is all there is. There is nothing sincere about this guy and he is a hypocrite. It is as almost as though he was proud of what he had done and given the chance he would probably do it over and over again. Well I would give him a round of applause and stroke his ego all the way out the door.
- The perfect cheater – the one that is too sleek and smooth in his ways that he never gives you any reason to doubt. Always home on time, leaves you with his phone, lets you answer it for that matter! Invites you to come with when he gets invited to office parties and stuff. You will be their praising your faithful man when all you got is a sly and cunning son of a gun. This is one deadly human being. This means he has perfected the art of lying to your face! God knows the awful truths that you will most likely never know. If you ever somehow manage to catch this criminal, I mean you somehow come to know that he has had his affair for some ten months….. I don’t know what you will still be waiting for.
- The-more-than-one-mistress-at-a-time cheater – This is the ultimate player! When you finally see his true colors, he got you wondering if you were his main lady or one of the seven side-chicks. This cheater always gets easily caught because most of the time he can’t even say your name on the phone for some reason, he calls you by a different name or he will forget your name altogether. Do not trust a guy that has a strangely huge number of female relatives with five or six middle names each. Yes, he can apologize when he gets caught and he will show and prove to you that he has broken it off with all four of them but the question is….are you certain they were just four?
So there you have it, LadyChi’s list
To ladies whom have been cheated on, sorry about that. Life sucks sometimes but you have a decision to make at the end of it all, keep or ditch. Hope you choose well. It is totally understandable if you never want to see the guy again because betrayal hurts. But remember to forgive and let him and all that hurt go. If you are the cheater! Well I am sure you have your reasons but it’s still shameful and I would not encourage it. If you want to be with someone else then just say so. It is not worth it breaking someone’s trust and lying to them. In my part, the top half guys may be worth forgiving and most likely will never repeat the mistake again. Although it might also be that it was not your fate and you may choose to walk away. But the bottom half!!! I find more deadly but… in very *special* situations you may choose to forgive them…Everyone’s decision is their own…the above is just what LadyChi thinks….Leave me a comment on what you think….