Cheater: A person that acts dishonestly or unfairly to gain an advantage: informal be sexually unfaithful according to the online Oxford Dictionaries. Just sexually unfaithful? Well maybe for some people…but as for me; no flirting with, no texting especially sexting, no kissing! I don’t care if there was no tongue action, booboo I don’t care if you didn’t open your mouth, hell it could have been a peck on the lips, it is still cheating to me. No e-mailing, no getting cozy and role playing on Facebook or any other social platform. No reminiscing old times with an ex! No giving some strange random girl a shoulder to cry on. And trust me my list goes on and on and on, I be like Angela from Why Did I Get Married Too, she explains it all too well.
People have many reasons as to why they chose to step out on their partners and whether they are worth forgiving is debatable. From my own personal experience as well as close friends around me I have been able to categorize a list of different types of cheaters. In my books, I have separated then into two groups Cheater you MAY forgive and Cheaters to NEVER forgive. All this according to what LadyChi thinks. Do you agree?
Those you MAY Forgive
- Drunken cheater – if he ain’t an alcoholic and he barely gets tipsy on nights that he goes out with friends then there is more to this situation. So many explanations as to why he went past his usual drinking limit and this may be the cause of his odd behavior. It can even be that some of his dudes thought he was more fun if he was a little bit high and spiked his drink. Then things got wild and before he had his head straight, he was in a big mess. Whatever the reason may be, when he comes home and is man enough to tell you what happened or you find out somehow and he begs you for forgiveness. Maybe . . . just maybe you may forgive him. Then you can go ahead and find out what caused the out of character behavior. I know some guys will use alcohol as an excuse to cheat but ladies I know you know your man, so I know you will now when he is being straight with you.
- No-action-in-the-bedroom cheater – Ladies it is no secret that you have to hold your man down or else he is going to seek that comfort elsewhere. You can be holding out on him for certain reasons known to you, but everyone needs a bit of intimacy, and from what I think, men more than women. It could be that you are tired all the time from work or you had a huge fight and he is on punishment. Don’t make it a long one and make an effort to squeeze the last ounce of energy from your reserves so you can enjoy a night with your man. Cause when your bedroom becomes a freezer he is going to look for warmth somewhere else. When this happens and you can admit that he cheated because it was your fault, it doesn’t really justify what he did but it sure made it easier for him. You may forgive this one and learn how to spice up you love life and keep your man happy.
- The-80/20-rule-really-exists cheater- This one is the one that so clearly knows his has made a mistake. He went chasing down someone who seemingly looked better than you. He thought he was going to have more than what he has at home but as a matter of fact, it is way, way, way less. So his theory was a big flop and he has most definitely learnt that what he already has is by far everything that he could possibly ever want and need. He has had to learn the hard way to appreciate you more. I think this one you may forgive as well. I don’t think he will want to take the gamble ever again. He will treasure what he has and salute the 80/20 rule.
- The-long-term-committed cheater- 10 years down the drain? What about the kids? He is your high school sweetheart? If you have been with this guy for some time (and his none of the below suckers) and this happens, sometimes it is not wise to break it off in such emotional panic. A lot changes over time and most people let their relationships lose that exciting spark. They fall into a life of mundane and routine and frankly boredom. As the no action in the bedroom cheater, your man will look for excitement somewhere else. But if you two still truly love each other and if the guy is willing to fight for you and repent his sins, begs for forgiveness and vows to spend the rest of his life making it up to you, then you may just be able to forgive this one. I am almost certain there is something worth fighting for. Y’all probably need a family vacation and definitely need to renew your vows. Do something fun and romantic to remind yourselves why you are still together after many years of life’s curve-balls.
- The-first-time-offender cheater – he might have stepped out on you for various reasons, for lack of rational thinking perhaps. If he does not fall in any of the below categories, sit and talk to your man. You may choose to forgive this one if his first time . . . will be his last time. And if you make the warning firm enough, I think he will be a good boy and behave. I think there is a first time for everything and committing a mistake is not a mistake….the mistake is repeating the mistake (did I say that right? Direct quote from Swahili…kosa si kutenda kosa, kosa ni kurudia kosa)
Given that none of the above cheater fall into the groups below, I think they may be worth forgiving and working it out…
- Your-best friend/sister/mother is-hotter-than-you cheater- kick this one to the curb. He clearly doesn’t care about your feelings and so he doesn’t even bother himself to search outside of your social circle. I can’t forgive someone that would cheat on me with my own sister or friend.I would not want this guy around at all. While you are having fun at the family Christmas party, he is checking out all your cousins and friends. This one is mean and did not stop to think that the worst possible thing to do when you cheat on a girl, is to cheat with someone who she is super close to. This is not cool at all and I will not forgive this one
- The chronic cheater- well what can I say, cheated once shame on you, cheated twice shame on me? No, shame on you still! I decided to give you a second chance and you threw it in my face. Shame on you for being such a hypocrite and not realizing what a treasured gem I was! This is the type that cheats out of habit; he probably can’t stop doing it even if his life depended on it. You will shed so many tears until you come to realize that it is not worth it. Twice is enough to raise a red flag.
- No-remorse cheater- Yes! The brutal one. That one who shows no regrets and blames you for his actions. He acts so casual about it and you will never hear him say “I’m sorry.” And if he miraculously does say sorry, it sounds more like “I am sorry I got caught,” And that is all there is. There is nothing sincere about this guy and he is a hypocrite. It is as almost as though he was proud of what he had done and given the chance he would probably do it over and over again. Well I would give him a round of applause and stroke his ego all the way out the door.
- The perfect cheater – the one that is too sleek and smooth in his ways that he never gives you any reason to doubt. Always home on time, leaves you with his phone, lets you answer it for that matter! Invites you to come with when he gets invited to office parties and stuff. You will be their praising your faithful man when all you got is a sly and cunning son of a gun. This is one deadly human being. This means he has perfected the art of lying to your face! God knows the awful truths that you will most likely never know. If you ever somehow manage to catch this criminal, I mean you somehow come to know that he has had his affair for some ten months….. I don’t know what you will still be waiting for.
- The-more-than-one-mistress-at-a-time cheater – This is the ultimate player! When you finally see his true colors, he got you wondering if you were his main lady or one of the seven side-chicks. This cheater always gets easily caught because most of the time he can’t even say your name on the phone for some reason, he calls you by a different name or he will forget your name altogether. Do not trust a guy that has a strangely huge number of female relatives with five or six middle names each. Yes, he can apologize when he gets caught and he will show and prove to you that he has broken it off with all four of them but the question is….are you certain they were just four?
So there you have it, LadyChi’s list
To ladies whom have been cheated on, sorry about that. Life sucks sometimes but you have a decision to make at the end of it all, keep or ditch. Hope you choose well. It is totally understandable if you never want to see the guy again because betrayal hurts. But remember to forgive and let him and all that hurt go. If you are the cheater! Well I am sure you have your reasons but it’s still shameful and I would not encourage it. If you want to be with someone else then just say so. It is not worth it breaking someone’s trust and lying to them. In my part, the top half guys may be worth forgiving and most likely will never repeat the mistake again. Although it might also be that it was not your fate and you may choose to walk away. But the bottom half!!! I find more deadly but… in very *special* situations you may choose to forgive them…Everyone’s decision is their own…the above is just what LadyChi thinks….Leave me a comment on what you think….